Struggle City

Is where I have been. Not sure why. I've been training my ass off, and for the most part, loving it. After registering the lowest reading in over TWO years on the richter scale last week, I had a weekend of sabotage. Not just a Dirty Diana, but what is now called a Filty Freida. ;) Why do I do this to me?? Is it feeling that I'm not worth the success I strive SO hard to achieve? Is it just complacency at once I'm getting there I can relax and let it all go? Is it constantly NEEDING to bugger it all up just so I can achieve it once again to feel good again? Is it because I don't know HOW to do anything but yo-yo after the past 10 years of 'dieting'? Is it because I can't be happy and content, and need to be unhappy constantly do to something productive about it?

That's alot of questions... I didn't know I had so many! But it's something for me to think about...

In training news I've been going AWESOME! I've changed the some of the times I go to the gym and now go when it's peak hour traffic with all the footy boys. Stoopid when I'm used to hogging the gym to myself, but I get to go with my boy and he pushes me way out of my limits. I remember again how beneficial it is to have a trainer! I'm Lat-Pulldowning more than I ever have... And although it's not in my current program, I've been doing barbell bench press when he can spot me. I haven't done that in 2 years since my shoulder started being naughty, but when strapped up, and with a spot, I went straight back to the weight I did all that time ago. :) ROM isn't perfect but... I still did it! YAY!

Remembering that does make me feel a bit better about things. One filthy day isn't going to undo all that hard work. I forced myself to the gym today for cardio, hated it, didn't want to be there. And that lasted all of 5 minutes until the blood was flowing. Then I fell in love all over again.

Work has been busy, life has been busy - but that's normal, and everyone else is in the same boat, so I've just gotta suck it up and get on with it. I've slipped back into old habits of not sleeping well, but my poor lil brother is dealing with some crap, and I know I've taken on all his emotions. I'll get back up and be on top of the world again. I'm halfway there already :) There's many people out there dealing with major issues, if this is all I'm dealing with I'm doing well.

I'm leaving Struggle City and heading straight to... somewhere cool :)