Friday, February 27, 2009

I'm Back

Not sure if that's a good or bad thing, because I had the bestestest time of my life (I've only said that three times now) and I didn't want it to end, and I didn't want to leave those girls behind on the Gold Coast to return to my home :( However it was nice having my own bed back last night :)

Won't say much now, just checking in to say I'm home and well. I slept till 10am this morning without even trying, I've been so exhausted. Monday and Tuesday nights in Bali I had about 3 hours sleep each night due to the oh so wonderful Bali belly, then Wednesday night was our overnight flight home, in which I had a crap seat and had no sleep (plus the belly rumblings still!!) and we also lost 2 hours in time changes. So sleep deprived therefore a little bit cranky I have been! LoL

Although so sad it's all over as I was looking forward to this trip for a long time, I also have the most fantastic memories with the best friends in the world. Booking it last September not knowing how this year was going to begin for me, made it the best timed trip as I really do believe I am OK with 'everything' now :) I've created brand new happy memories with people who I love to death and will be in my life forever!!!!!!!!

Will be back once settled with stories and pics. I've got over 200 blog entries to read (OMG!) and so much life to live but will try catch up with everyone in the next few.... months ;)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

2 Days Left :(

Long time no type, but really haven't had the urge to check email or anything, understandably :) Have had the bestestest time EVER! The 4 of us girls get along SOOO well, and I only met one of them when she arrived here, but it's just been the best fun.

We've done so much fun stuff - went White Water Rafting yesterday and it was awesome. I've never done it before, so glad we did. 12kms the river was, and sooo beautiful.

Best be off, shopping to do and facial to be done today ;) Be back in OZ on Thursday!


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bali Day 2!

So after just having to check email etc yesterday, we had our massage. Ohhh it was soooo good. I had a "Traditional Balinese Massage" and my friend had an aromatherapy one. It was in a spa, not the ones by the beach, and for 80mins it was only $11-12AUD! Such a bargain, I could do one every second day. I gave her a generous tip, they gotta make a living somehow right!?

Then my friend got the inklings of the old faithful Bali belly... ohhhh... So back to the room we went where she had to rest, and because I'm STILL sick (it's really making me cranky now!) I ended up napping as well. The massages were just tooo relaxing, but hey, we're on holidays!! We woke up to our doorbell ringing.... Our other 2 friends had just arrived! YAY!!!!!!!!!

From there we went for a wander, had a late lunch/early dinner, a swim and booked all our tours.

We're doing a sunset boat thing, surfing lessons, cooking lessons, and white water rafting. Soo exciting!!

The other 2 gals were quite tired from all the travelling, so we were in bed by 7.30pm, lights out by 8.30pm. What party animals huh!! But at least I feel HEAPS better today for all the extra rest.

Today, we're internetting again, as nowhere opends till 9am or after, and we're off to Kuta for some CRAZY mad shopping! YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEHA!!!!!

SOooo, over and out ;) NO doubt I'll be back tomorrow :P

Monday, February 16, 2009

DING DING DING! We have a winner!!

Lia, you got it straight up babe!

Yes, HE was on the same flight as me to spend Valentine's weekend in Brisbane with his lover. How romantic. I had a gut feeling all day that he would be on the same flight, a sick sensation in my stomache. Last time I had that feeling was when I ran into him in Pacific Fair on the Gold Coast 4 days after our break-up. Twice now my gut has known. He came and spoke to me in the airport, I answered his questions, I wasn't over-friendly, I stayed cool and collected. I was maybe even a bit cold towards him (which is easy when I have no voice anyway!!)... let's just say he didn't try to chat for long. I basically showed no emotion, I was very proud of how I handled the situation, I didn't try to be cold towards him, it's just how I reacted. Especially as he asked me "so what are you going down to Brisbane for". I looked at him pathetically "I'm going to Bali...". That just proved to me how self-absorbed he is that he didn't even remember that my trip was this weekend. It was a huge thing for both of us when I booked it last September because it was the longest we would be apart, AND overseas. And the fact that I missed Valentine's day, he had a little sulk about that. Basically, it was a huge thing for both of us, and within 6 weeks (yay, happy six week single anniversary to me today!), he'd totally forgotten, he's all about him. As far as I'm concerned, you just don't forget that stuff so easy. I still know he's going away next weekend to the Goldie for a music festival he booked when we were together. Anyway.............. WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately as I hadn't seen him for a whole month, then having to face him in person again has shaken all the suppressed emotions up... I couldn't stop thinking about him all that night and next day, but I hope he's been shaken up as well, as he had NO idea I would be at the airport. I was sort of prepared thanks to my gut ;) But again........... WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Went to bed about 11pm on Saturday night, and woke at 3.45am. Still not sleeping too good. We were off to the airport by 5am. Got our bags glad-wrapped, not taking any chances! After a 5hr30min flight where I got NO sleep, we were in BALI BABY!!!!!!!

Our motel's quite nice with a huge pool right beside the beach. We did a little bit of shopping yesterday, and left when it started to rain!! I must have brought the rain with me, I still haven't seen sun for 3 weeks!! It's not sposed to rain here when I'm on holidays!!!!!!!! It started storming so we jumped in a cab to get back to our motel, and as we were driving there was a BOOM and sparks flew.... Just as we drove under a power pole, the power box exploded, and sparks landed on our cab. We all jumped!!! It was perfect, or not-so-perfect timing. After that, nearly the whole of Kuta seemed to have no power supply... Back in Legian where we're at, it was OK. By now I was feeling really ill and weak, so I had to have a nana-nap. I still have a scratchy, and at times, NO voice. Before it was just that, voiceless, but the last few days my throat feels huge and like I'm swallowing razor blades. I'll give it one more day otherwise I'll have to see a doctor. Ick... me thinks I maybe have a throat infection, I've had them before :(

Went for a wander before dinner. I had a prawn and advocado salad for dinner, it was YUM. I just can't believe how inexpensive everything is over here. We had an early night last night.

Today the other 2 girls fly in to join us and we may do the spa thing. Massage, facial, pedi, the whole works, and again it's SOOOO cheap!!

But priorities... had to come check email! I tell ya what, with no puter (we didn't end up bringing the laptop) and no mobile, I feel NAKED and cut off from the whole world!! Have to let my mummy and daddy know I'm all safe :)

So that's my trip so far.... still overcast today, I hope the sun visits soon!

And Rae - I would love to say I will do some mad flirting, but with no voice it ain't gonna happen!!! I will just have to bat my eyelashes wildly instead...!!! HA!!! :P

Saturday, February 14, 2009


Guess who was on the exactly the same flight to Brisbane as me last night. C'mon, just ONE guess.

And Liz you're not allowed to as you already know the answer :P

I survived my voiceless day yesterday OK, ended up being ready to fly out with heaps of time tospare, that's not like me at all. Stupid plane was delayed for TWO hours so my poor cousin was finally able to pick me up after 11pm, and we were back at his place by midnight. Because of the weather, the flight was bloody scary, the turbulence was horrible, I was so sick with thoughts of dying that I thought I would throw up. The whole plane was crapping themselves, everyone was silent, you could hear the terror!!! And that was only an hour and twenty minute flight, I hope to Bali is heaps smoother, or I may end up quite pale...!!

I got to sleep about 1am and woke about 6am (not meaning too, but I must have been excited or something ;) ), ready and rocking to get to Liz's RPM class!! It was great, she did a few little psycho stints; I thought she was a quiet one, silly me ;) My heart was pumping, the sweat was pouring, it was a GREAT class! And best of all, I can say I have survived one of her classes! I was quite disappointed when were were supposed to sing loud to one of the tracks and all that came out of my mouth was ............... silence. Yea forgot again I hardly have a voice.

We had a little play in the gym, a bit of 'dick and jane', a bit of 'bondage' and I even got to feel her ass :P Bet not many people can say they've touched their coach's butt!! hee hee After that we had a bite to eat - I was able to experience the Phuc Viet prawn rice paper rolls. MMmmm they were good. Had a good chat, and the morning was gone.

Back at my cousin's now, waiting for my friend to pick me up. I'm feeling a bit like poo now, tired obviously from lack of sleep then the RPM class, but starting to feel a little 'off' now... my throat is starting to hurt, probably from straining to talk so much with no voice. *Fingers crossed* it all passes - I may even try to have a nap this afternoon so at least I'm forced to stay still for a bit.

ONE SLEEP TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This may be my last blog as we're flying out in the morning!!!!!!! We will have a laptop over there, so may blog, but may not too :P See what happens!!! I'll come back in a few days and see who or just how many people win the game above. LoL

Thanks EVERYONE for all your good wishes, I will be safe and have FUN!!!

I'M GOING TO BALI!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Need Some Smiles...

Visit here. Some of those quotes are meant for me!

So I've officially lost my voice.

Can you imagine how fun it ISN'T to train clients without being able to talk louder than a squeak!!

And I must put a big note near the phone...

Hee hee, it was funny at the time though :)
(And just for the record - no more sleeps at home, 2 more sleeps in Qld! ;) )

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Happy 400th Post To ME!!

Only took 3 years :)

I'm a stress-head. Trying to arrange everything from work to packing to what on earth to pack! GAH! It was way easier when I just left work for a month with no warning, I'm too anal and need to make sure everything is done before I leave with a kazillion instructions for the staff - which they don't need anyway, as they handled my month off FINE. Having not travelled overseas for almost 5 years I have no idea on the rules anymore. I can't take any food, of any sort :( I always travel with at least my supply of oats, protein powder, a few bars and tins of tuna. Not this time. There was no way I was even considering the protein powder - little clipseal bags of white powdery stuff to Bali, me don't think so!!! Also supps are out - I've been recommended not even getting myself into the situation where stuff may need to be tested. Fine by me. I better not get ill, with not being able to take my glutamine.

Had some great moments, and crappy moments this week.

First of all, extremely saddened and horrified at the devastation in Victoria with the bushfires. I never stopped thinking about my Victorian friends, and praying that they're OK. xx

Got an AWESOME possible offer for a huge work contract on Saturday, as in HUGE contract, all in the pipe-line still. Hugely excited,
Wednesday I found out the structure is changing, could make things more difficult and harder for me to take on, but will wait and see when the proposal comes through.

Tuesday I had the annual dentist visit. My teeth are 'impeccable'
I need to get my wisdom teeth out. DAMMIT!! They're causing no hassles, but 'just in case'. It's so inconvenient, I have a huge year with stuff on, that can't interfere with a fat face, so they will just have to wait till later on ;)

Wednesday I told my mum that I think I'm really doing well with all the 'crap', I've had a HUGE turn-around over five weeks, and I think I'm OK with everything, no tears for a while now...
I found out stuff that 'appears' they are deliberately being spiteful, and trying to hurt me and rub salt in my wounds. Maybe not intentionally, but remember, small town, it will get back to me. He is so self-absorbed though that he wouldn't have even contemplated what would happen should it get back to me. Not going into details, but when a friend heard about it, it was enough for her to say this: "Oh My God Selina, that is even worse than I imagined what an absolute asshole. I can't believe how low and selfish and totally disrespectful he is, what has he become?? And she is just a whore, she KNOWS you, she is just as bad. WTF is wrong with the young people of today. You are gonna find an awesome guy and be sooo happy and he will just be stuffed up and end up alone". So after thinking I was OK, dealing with all that made me realise I am still so not over everything, just yet.

I've had some AWESOME training sessions, smashing it
Right now my legs are sooooo soooooo sore, and I only trained 4 hours ago. I gotta do Liz's RPM class from HELL on Saturday!!!!!!!!! OMG!!

I'm very very excited - one sleep till I leave here, 2 sleeps till I leave Australia
I'm too stressed and excited and hardly sleeping, and woke up with a croaky and slightly sore throat today, and guess what... after training a kazillion clients today, I've almost lost my voice!! HEE HEEE

But anyway, looking forward to catching up properly with Liz and anyone else on Saturday :)

Gotta scoot, spray tan appointment to attend ;) And Yes, I am a tan-orexic. Lucky I have a friend who does them for nothing!!! ;)

Sunday, February 08, 2009

This Time Next Week.........

I'll be on the plane to Bali!! YEEEEEEEEEHAAA!!! Have I ever mentioned that I sooooo cannot wait?!

Last nite myself and my 2 trainers were invited onto one of our client's boats for drinks and nibblies. It was so nice sitting in the marina, very windy, but what a life! They live on it so it's got everything. Had heaps of fun, and totally unplanned, somehow ended up going out.

What a crazy night. Had heaps of fun, knew heaps of people out, had a great time! Seems like every girl I knew just happened to have a single male friend... I've already had calls from 2 different girls asking if they can give my number to their 'friend'. My response was, "Hell no!" LoL. Not going there.... not yet anyway!

I'm about to go visit my 2 friends and their 5 kiddies between them. I'm loving keeping busy, my mind has to be filled with fun stuff, to keep it off other stuff! I'm doing OK :) Today's a 'good' one ;)

Enjoy what's left of your Sundays. My thoughts and prayers are with those in Victoria who may be threatened with the fires. xx

Saturday, February 07, 2009

"We're Spinning Around...

...We're up and we're down, we're taking a ride on the Merry-Go-Round". Does anyone else know that song from their childhood? It was a record by the Smurfs that my grandpa played for us when we went to visit. Oh to be a child again, things were so simple.

That's how my week has gone. Yet again. Who needs to go to a carnival to go for a ride, come step in my shoes for a week - my life is currently a roller coaster, a merry-go-round AND a haunted house all in one :(

I'm having a 'low' day today. It just keeps changing.

Nearly every day this week I've found out more stuff...

The silly mistake HE has made is that, being in the position I am, I know a LOT of people, and I know people who know people, and I know that I am respected by a lot of people. I've dealt with MANY clients over 5 years... AND it's a small town... he's actually a FOOL to think he'd ever get away with the things he has - OK, I'll give him credit for the fact that he is a deceiptful, lying bastard, and he did it EFFING well and he did get away with it, for a while.

Wednesday was the fact that my friend saw him snogging her, back in August, while I was out with her. That made me ANGRY, not sad.

Thursday I trained a friend, I'll call her A. She was speaking to someone, person B, who told her about a friend of hers who had just broken up with his girlfriend. It didn't take long for A to put 2 and 2 together and realise that the couple B was talking about was me and him. Person B is someone that HE wasn't that good of friends with, in fact her husband intimidated HIM a bit... But I found out that HE had told B about his problems - how effing nice of him when I didn't even realise that I was a problem.

"I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, and I'm expected to propose to her, but I've got feelings for another girl who I've been contacting" Remember SHE moved to Brisbane in November.
(I just LOVE how he said "EXPECTED to propose". Ok, let's dissect this, HE was ready to marry me before I was even ready to consider it. HE only said to me middle of last year "I'm really ready to settle down now". HE told me what sort of ring he was looking at, HE told me who he wanted in the bridal party. He led ME, his family, MY family, our friends to believe that we were going to get married, because HE TALKED ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME. Yet he was EXPECTED to?!?!?!?!? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR)

Person B said to him "you obviously have loved her to be with her for 4 years, you need to STOP contacting this other girl". I know for a fact that his discussion took place on New Year's Eve.... he was very very weird to me that night, very distant and vacant. I just thought it was another mood. I had no idea what he was really thinking. She must have laid it on the line and made him realise the other girl has got to go.

Five days later, we were over. :(

Person B also said to A, "I don't know how she put up with him for that long anyway, he's a bit of a loser".

I actually felt sorry for him then, these are people he's tried so hard to fit in with over the past year, and they don't think that much of him anyway. Person B doesn't owe me anything, I have met her a few times, but I was never really in with that crowd, I was just his girlfriend. Then I thought, "well EFF him, I have no need to feel sorry for him after all he's put me through".

So after all that I actually almost had to laugh at how pathetic it's all become. I was patheticised (that's a new word OK) at him. I felt powerful again.

But the weekend hits... Late Friday afternoon, as I was settling in for the night, I felt really really sad and alone. My usual ritual was to spend it with him... that will never ever happen again. But it's so hard knowing he's just around the corner, literally 400m from me. I went to a seminar with my mum last night, so at least I was out of the house.

This morning I had an email from him. I shot one to him on Thursday (this is the ONLY contact we've had in weeks), I had to mail him as the bastard owes me money which he said he would be paying this week. I told him to hurry it along. I was pleasant in the email, coz I want my bloody money. I finished it with "I hope you're doing well".

I got the response this morning... "Hey I've done it now, rah rah rah. I hope your doing well". It was a normal email. We spoke 3-4 times per day, and emailed a few times as well when we were together. It felt all normal. He was talking to me normally. That ache came back, that dull, painful ache.

What do I want to reply:

"Well I haven't killed myself, so I guess that's a start. I'M NOT FUCKING OK, I MAY NEVER BE AGAIN. I DON'T UNDERSTAND, I DON'T UNDERSTAND A THING.

And if you REALLY cared how I was doing, you would have asked before now. Do you want me to say that I am absolutely heartbroken and a mess? Will that make you feel good and feed your ego, or will it make you feel GUILTY? Highly unlikely as you've NEVER EVER cared about anyone other than yourself and your dick.

I don't understand and am disgusted at how a human being could treat another human being like that. I don't understand how you could be such a lying, deceiptful person, and a fucking good one at it as well. I cannot believe I NEVER saw through your lies and bullshit - I trusted you SOOO much - you are the BEST liar I've EVER come across.

Am I over it? What the HELL do you think? You had at least SIX months head-start on me... you were over me while you were still with me. All the time LYING about a future you knew damn well was never going to happen. How can you literally PLAY with someone's life like that.

I don't understand how I could so easily literally be 'replaced'. I don't understand that you could tell girlfriend #2 in advance that she was about to be promoted to girlfriend #1 without ME, - the girl YOU still told you loved every single day - even knowing that she was such a "problem".

You think you've gotten away with everything, but it's all coming back to me. Some people think you're SCUM, and you'd be surprised at which 'friends' of yours are included in that.

You know how you so calmly told me that some random chick came up to your footy mate that night we were out and said "You play for *insert club here* don't you? I effing hate those players, they think they can treat women like shit and get away with it". Do you realise that YOU are the WORST offender of them all?? YOU had the faithful long-term girlfriend of four years who you fucked around on... Are you PROUD of the reputation you have earnt yourself???"

There's so much more I'd like to say. I know I can't email that back. That's what I want to say, and I've said it now. It feels good, he just won't be reading it. I've got the money he owed - even if it was out of spite, I was going to get my money - I will return to zero contact with him now.

I've been told that no matter how much I'm hurting, I CANNOT let him know that. I have to go on being happy and making him think that I'm doing fine without him. No man likes a girl who is needy and pathetic, it just makes them realise that it was a good thing to get rid of them. Well that's what I've been told by a male :)

The thing is, and the thing I need to get over is, if he sees me moping around, it's not going to make him feel guilty like I wish it would. He just DOES NOT care. He doesn't give a shit about me in any way, shape or form, and I need to GET that into my thick head.

I have to LET GO of needing him to understand just how much he has hurt me, because he will NEVER EVER get it, and he simply doesn't care anyway. (thanks Lyndz for that quote).

Congratulations if you've read this far. I may sound like a broken record, I may sound pathetic and stupid, I may sound like I'm not even trying to get over it by talking about it all the time, but I've said all along, this is my place to get whatever the hell I want out, and NO ONE is making you read this. I know I've got at least 5 readers who have contacted me via a comment or privately, who have been through the same thing - you girls will know exactly these feelings. I hope you too, have or are finding an outlet for your grief - maybe not so publicly, but in some way, as bottling feelings up really does not help.

Over and Out.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

2 of my Favourite People

Who have stuck by me through thick and thin. My Little Brother and Little Sister. This pic was taken about 3 weeks ago at my bro-in-laws birthday dinner. Aren't they gorgeous!! I think my sister is a STUNNER!!! But maybe I am biased ;)
My brother and I have had fun picking on her lately - both he and I have come out of long-term relationships in the past few months - so have a bit of a dig at her, being the middle child who gets it all, the perfect husband and the perfect life! LoL. But she's cried as many tears with us, as we both have the past few months :) I love them to death :))

Wednesday, February 04, 2009


YAY! Pics are fun, here's some from the big weekend I waffled about, on the Gold Coast for Australia Day :)

I'm soooo cool with my surfboard. Not that I could ride it.... Oh and of course the green and gold hair, and the Aussie hat, and the Aussie swimmers - no wonder we were 'interviewed' by some camera man! hee hee hee ;)

Sh!t-hot surfy chicks ;)

I never knew I was that excited to see an alcoholic beverage...

The girls, and a boy, in the spa. Where we spent every afternoon. Ahhhhh....

It was an AWESOME Australia Day!!!


It's funny how many people 'spring' up from nowhere once you're unattached. I've been asked to the movies twice - by female acquaintances, but it's nice, you usually don't worry when you're in a relationship as all your time is with your other half.

4 years ago when I was last single, I had a lovely guy send me a helium balloon with a dinner invite attached, to my work here - I was so touched, but I had also JUST seeing this certain fuckwit, so had to decline. Didn't I make a bad choice all those years ago. Anyway this guy and I became good friends anyway and to cut a novel short - he's just built a house and has told me if I want a change of scenery and something to do I'm more than welcome to go round there and have a drink with him on his deck. Again, another thing you just wouldn't do if attached. And with him I know there's no ulterior motive (anymore!! hee hee), he's just such a great guy - I don't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend actually!!

And THEN, one of my trainers told me that her housemate has the hots for me! LOL! She told me in December when we went out for drinks, but in December I was attached. (I only met this guy that night, but he noticed that night that I wasn't being treated well, and my now-ex was very self-absorbed... amazing when you love someone so much and in your own little bubble you don't notice these things, and don't realise other people do!). So ANYWAY, she tells me every day he's been bugging her about me. How cute!!

I'm flattered but it's really the last thing I need right now. I'm not going to be like that scumbag of an ex and live by his motto "Nothing like the next one to get over the last one", I will never stoop to that level - that's just using someone else for my own selfish needs and could never hurt someone like that.

So, do I sound like I'm big-noting myself? Maybe? lol! But if anything makes me feel just a smigin better, I'll run and do a happy dance with it. :)

And it keeps getting worse!!!!!!!!!

If that's possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! An old staff member and good friend visited me at work this morning - I haven't seen her since August as she's been travelling. Her first comment was "shit you've lost weight!" Yay I guess... ??

She knows all the shit that's been happening and blurted "so it must have been the girl he was kissing that night at *insert name of bar here*. I screamed "WHAT?!?!?!". Her and I went out of the 2nd August last year before she took off. She was intoxicated and said that, as we walked in, she thought she saw him in the corner of this bar, kissing some chick and the chick was all over him. She instantly thought it was me, until she realised that DUH, I was with her... She asked the other girl she was with if she'd seen it as well and she replied "nah mate, you must be seeing stuff". So she kept quiet - I walked in with these 2 girls - I must have missed it by literally a millisecond.

I remember this night perfectly, as I walked into this bar, his mate said "Rob's over here", and I looked and he's there with outstretched arms for a hug. He made me sit down (in this same corner) and talk to him and tell him all about my night... he was so affectionate and caring and I thought I had the best boyfriend in the world. All a cover.

I don't blame my friend at all for not mentioning what she thought she saw... she really did think she was seeing stuff being so drunk, and the fact that no one else saw it, she didn't want to cause any crap as she knew (thought) we were perfectly happy together. But it all makes sense now... her description was he saw her see him and shat himself and had the "oh fuck fuck fuck" look on his face. Next minute she said I was in his arms for the hug. Her descriptions were too detailed for it to have been an illusion.

OMG. And to think the mongrel fuckwith got away with it for that long. To think he still thinks he's gotten away with it, when I was there. And the fact that my friend originally thought it was me - well we're both brunettes, so it has to be her. OMG. That was 2nd of AUGUST.... AUGUST!!!!!!!!! That was MONTHS ago.... for them to be so intimate then IN PUBLIC where ANYONE could have seen - INCLUDING ME AS HE WENT OUT THAT NIGHT TO MEET ME - just how long was it going on before that?? No wonder he got all weird about me being around the computer when he was using it - I always just hung round when he fartarsed around on it, then suddenly he never wanted me around. And he always seemed to switch screens when I wandered past the computer room. I just thought he was looking at porn.

I really truly believe that they became 'acquainted' with this facebook shit, and that led to the demise of our relationship. It's such immature bullshit - it's like school all over again. There's the 'cool' group who are friends with everyone, then there's the outsiders... which I why I never really fit in, as I'm not a drugfucked loser. They could chat and email and flirt and I was never to know. That's what I really really hate about it. You can let people into your life that you never would under normal circumstances.

So August that happened, he went out on boys nites a bit in September so I'm guessing it was all on again, then it alllll came to a head on 4th October, when they were away from "the girlfriend" on the Gold Coast, and just couldn't keep their emotions in check anymore and just HAD to go have sex. That's if they hadn't already.

I know I'm too good for all this shit, I know I deserve better, I know it will take time, I know it all. But it makes it no easier for the moment.

I repeat - scum sticks to scum and karmas a fucking bitch.

I'm sure so many readers are sick of this crap, but like I've always said, I need to vent, and preferably not to my clients, LOL, so here it is ;) You don't have to read, but let's admit it, unfortunately who doesn't like a bit of controversy :(

As Shelley said (god love her) "FUCK HIM, He's just an egg!"

Tuesday, February 03, 2009



I'm a fucking mess all over again. I seriously want to die right now.

Just today, 'they' have made it public that they are together, rubbing it in my face on facebook. (I fucking hate facebook, but I'm still 'there' anyway). To her 600 "friends" and his 300 "friends" - to our MUTUAL friends. This is a small town - what FUCKING NERVE. (For the record we aren't 'friends' on there - I deleted the slut when I found out it was her, and him the day we broke up - I did have access to his info page only as we'd sent each other a message so you get access for 28days or some bullshit).

His relationship status has changed from "single" to "In a relationship with (insert slut's name here)".

Just twist the knife in my heart a little bit harder you bastard. He NEVER even published his relationship status on the stupid facebook the whole time we were together. His status was just hidden. I REALLY REALLY HATE FACEBOOK, as much as I can't help myself peeking at people. (so I guess it's my own fault really)

For FOUR years I put up with that fuckface that I loved so fucking much. Upon re-reading this blog a few weeks back, I mentioned him ALL the time - for a few years I kept my private life private, but he WAS my life, there wasn't much else to blog.

It's been FOUR weeks. FOUR weeks, and he's moved on like we never existed - well he did that before I even knew we WEREN'T spending our lives together. I still can't believe any of this has happened. I dream about him every night and when I wake up I think it's all just a nightmare until reality hits like a sledgehammer.

Has he told her he loves her yet? I only got told that 4 weeks and 4 days ago...

HOW can someone that you've given you're whole life to, do that to you. How can there be so much deceipt and lies and cheating to someone who loves you with their whole heart and soul. How can someone be so HEARTLESS.

HOW can he just move on like I never existed and was never a part of him? Forget that at some point he did want to marry me and spend his life with me. How can he DO THAT.

There's SO SO SO many questions I would love to know the answers to, but I just have to let go of needing to know.

My poor parents have witnessed all of this, and my dad has made it clear that I cannot go bitching and bagging and degrading him to anyone in town. I will look like the bitter ex-girlfriend, and with how absolutely shit I'm feeling, like a dead person walking, I have to hold my head up as high as possible and retain some dignity.

Thank god for blogging.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Rain Rain Go Away.........

It's been raining non-stop all weekend. I had good intentions of going to the beach, but it hasn't let up. I've been working on my laptop in the loungeroom and I got dripped on. It appears there's a minor leak in the roof....