Tuesday, February 03, 2009



I'm a fucking mess all over again. I seriously want to die right now.

Just today, 'they' have made it public that they are together, rubbing it in my face on facebook. (I fucking hate facebook, but I'm still 'there' anyway). To her 600 "friends" and his 300 "friends" - to our MUTUAL friends. This is a small town - what FUCKING NERVE. (For the record we aren't 'friends' on there - I deleted the slut when I found out it was her, and him the day we broke up - I did have access to his info page only as we'd sent each other a message so you get access for 28days or some bullshit).

His relationship status has changed from "single" to "In a relationship with (insert slut's name here)".

Just twist the knife in my heart a little bit harder you bastard. He NEVER even published his relationship status on the stupid facebook the whole time we were together. His status was just hidden. I REALLY REALLY HATE FACEBOOK, as much as I can't help myself peeking at people. (so I guess it's my own fault really)

For FOUR years I put up with that fuckface that I loved so fucking much. Upon re-reading this blog a few weeks back, I mentioned him ALL the time - for a few years I kept my private life private, but he WAS my life, there wasn't much else to blog.

It's been FOUR weeks. FOUR weeks, and he's moved on like we never existed - well he did that before I even knew we WEREN'T spending our lives together. I still can't believe any of this has happened. I dream about him every night and when I wake up I think it's all just a nightmare until reality hits like a sledgehammer.

Has he told her he loves her yet? I only got told that 4 weeks and 4 days ago...

HOW can someone that you've given you're whole life to, do that to you. How can there be so much deceipt and lies and cheating to someone who loves you with their whole heart and soul. How can someone be so HEARTLESS.

HOW can he just move on like I never existed and was never a part of him? Forget that at some point he did want to marry me and spend his life with me. How can he DO THAT.

There's SO SO SO many questions I would love to know the answers to, but I just have to let go of needing to know.

My poor parents have witnessed all of this, and my dad has made it clear that I cannot go bitching and bagging and degrading him to anyone in town. I will look like the bitter ex-girlfriend, and with how absolutely shit I'm feeling, like a dead person walking, I have to hold my head up as high as possible and retain some dignity.

Thank god for blogging.


Anonymous said...

Vent away sweetheart after all this is your blog and it's here for whatever reason you want it to be.

It's better to let out all this anger and frustration than to bottle it up inside.

Lia xxx

Amy said...

At least you can say whatever you need to on hear. Facebook can be so evil! I hate how it publically displays everything. I have been thinking of you heaps. Take care.

Anonymous said...

You poor thing, Ive been reading your blog and feel your pain, they can be assholes, but better now than when youve devoted more of your time and life, or even had kids to him...
I had 2 little ones to my ex, then he did this leaving me to raise them while he walked away with his sl@&, lol, dont use that word often.
Put those little shoes and run girlfriend, you will thank him eventually, just focus on you and maybe some goals you put off when he was 'your life'...
time for you now, your man will come along eventually, but lick your wounds and be kind to yourself...

Jools x

linda said...

let it all out- pick yourself up and move on- let it all out- pick yourself up and move on........
we're here for you selina-hugs

Ronnie said...

Oh luvvie. Yes vent away. Listen I am only 3 hours away and any time you need to get out of one small town and head to another much smaller town just let me know. We will gladly put you up for a weekend.

I love the names you call him!! Keep it up.

In time this will pass and you will be greatful that it is over and they deserve each other. i bet she has no goals or aspirations in life and they are only together because of the party drugs. that will be how they got together.

you are innocent in all of this remember that.

and keep blogging and venting.


Cheryl said...

The roller coaster honey!
Vent Vent and keep venting. Listen to your dad. You will be the stronger one in the end. I still haven't burnt the sluts (who was with my husband) house down yet! I havent even swore at her. I wouldn'tmy old computer lower myself. (I might still burn her house down though - Grin)
(((huge hugs)))

little rene said...

Hey there beautiful!

If you ever need a country retreat just let me know. We have a gorgeous spare room, an in-ground pool and a little bear that gives UNREAL cuddles ;)

(Hubby also makes a mean cocktail and even delivers them to the pool - he is useful at times!)

I think it is very healthy for you to get it all out and I know how you feel at the moment. You know that it would be better for you to not look at his Facebook page but you just can't help it. Don't worry, in time that obssession will fade.

Unfortunately it is just going to take time, but you will get past this Selina and although I am sure that you can't imagine it now, one day this will all just seem like a bad dream.

Just be kind to yourself and know that we are all thinking of you xxx

Ursula Beck said...

Hi babe, i've been reading your blog and all I can say is I feel every part of your pain..
My husband left me for a 19 year old and only after 2 weeks did the old Face Book trick photo's of them kissing and changing his status, and it only apparently took him 3 weeks in his new relationship to tell the bitch he loved her... Men are fucked they all need to take a good hard look at themselves, to make things worse my fuck wit husband that I still love is on Australia's Got Talent toningt with his new little G/F crushing.... I feel your pain, sadness and anger and everything else that goes on in our mind in times like these... Trust me it's been 7 months apart from my husband and I still have bad days... Hang in there hunny xxx

Gillian said...

He is being extremely cruel, and all I can say is better you know it now rather than further down the track when you are committed to each other legally.
You are too classy for his behaviour, and your dad knows it.

Keep going, you will be fine.

Gillian xx

Gillian said...

He is being extremely cruel, and all I can say is better you know it now rather than further down the track when you are committed to each other legally.
You are too classy for his behaviour, and your dad knows it.

Keep going, you will be fine.

Gillian xx