Monday, January 05, 2009

The End of My Life as I Know it.

How does one react when the person they were going to spend the rest of their life with takes their heart, smashes it to pieces and leaves on the footpath for the dogs to shit on.

My life was perfect. I had never been happier. Today my partner of four, yes FOUR years decides he doesn't love me anymore. Well, that's what he says.

He confesses that the past year, yes YEAR, he's been 'covering his tracks' and he's sick of it (how fucking inconvenient)- popping pills, and cheating on me.

The one I spent my days and nights with; who I socialise with and train with; who only asked me last month when the right time would be to ask my dad to marry me; who constantly told me how much he loved me and wanted to be with me forever.

My sister, my friends, my parents are sooo shocked, this is not the boy they knew. I told them to multiply it by 1000 and that's how shocked I am.

Am I a fool to not see it coming?

He started playing footy this year - Little Miss Supportive sat at home and sometimes picked him up after his big boys nights out after the footy. Wrong crowd - here anyway, they're knowing for picking up chicks, rooting around, treating girls like shit but next weekend there'd always be another one or three for them to play with. But not my boy, we were secure and together for years, as if he's turn into one of them.

Wrong again.

He was popping pills (which he knows I'm against); and hooking up with other chicks in town - a kiss only I'm led to believe - but I believe nothing anymore.

Who takes him and picks him up from the airport after his end of season footy trip - only to find out TODAY that that weekend he was shagging a random from the Gold Coast.

He never told me.

He lived a double life. I feel like such a fool. All his mates knew; I was just the girl that hung around that "Fot" cheated on and could be treated like shit.

I never knew. I never suspected. Fucking bloody naive stupid little bitch.

How do you flick the switch to stop loving someone. I HATE HIM SO MUCH, but I still love him so much.

I can't stop crying, I just can't believe that that's it.

We were going away to the gold coast next week. I'm actually doing a runner and have moved my flights to tomorrow and staying with my best friend. I need some girly time.

How do the tears stop falling? How does my heart stop aching?

And if you happen to read this you fuckhead - go to fucking hell. I fucking HATE you.

16 comments:

Doris's BEHAG journey said...

Oh Selina - you poor darling! I have tears in my eyes for you and if I see your man (not that I know what he looks like) I would punch him in the nose! A year you say! humph!

RaeC said...

Oh honey, please don't be angry at yourself. It is not your fault. Don't ever consider yourself stupid and naive for having a warm and loving heart. Don't ever be angry at yourself for loving unconditionally and opening your heart to someone, even if that other person doesn't appreciate that big warm heart, or what it takes to do that and make yourself vulnerable to this kind of hurt.

Coming from someone who has lost both parents, I can honestly say that your heart will stop aching and your tears will become fewer and further between, but of course the pain is just so raw right now. Wrap yourself up in the cocoon of loved ones and great girlfriends to help you heal xxx

Rebecca said...

Oh Selina.... I am so sorry. There is nothing that I can say to mend your pain or to stop your tears.... But in time, the pain will get less and the hurt will stop. Although, that seems like a lifetime away now.

I am hear if you ever need to talk. Please take me up on it, even if you jsut want to email and have a cry.

I have been through it. I really have.... And is sux.

All I can say is do not blame yourself. These guys can perfect lying to a T. They are experts at it. I think that it hurts the most to think that you know someone and then they turn around and become a stranger.

I am thinking of you.

xox Rebecca

gypsy77 said...

I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry you have been treated like this. But please don't blame yourself, you didn't ask for any of this.

Please talk to your family and closest friends about your feelings. You are an amazing, strong woman and you will get through this.

Your in my thoughts, and I really appreciate all your kind words and thoughts you've had for me.
xx Bec

Ronnie said...

Oh Fuck!!! Selina. I am so sorry for your pain. What a prick!!

Selina you weren't to know. You are not stupid, nor are you niave. I think his friends have something to answer for as well. If my husband did something like that I would expect his mates to tell me.

I wish I could say something to make you feel better. Know that I am thinking of you and hope that you can move on eventually.

xxxx

Hilds staying Fit and Healthy! said...

Selina I'm feeling your pain. I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling. It's his loss and he will realise that very soon! Take care of yourself and don't change for anyone, you're not silly but a very giving person and no one should make you change. Keep being true to you. Enjoy your time away and remember it is not your fault!!!!! Take Care! Hilds

Alicia Negrin said...

Hey sweetie - so so so damn sorry to hear all that :( Call me if you need to talk xoxoxo

Lyndsay said...

Hey girl, Love you lots. Sending you email.

xx

Kek said...

Soooo sorry, sweetie. What a total bastard. :o(

Sent you a text - I'll call you later in the week if you're up for a chat.

Gillian said...

Selina, I'm terribly sorry to hear this. He obviously doesn't have the maturity or strength of character to cope with a grown-up relationship yet. Enjoy your visit with your friend. You have a lot of inner strength which will get you through this.
All the best:)

jodie said...

Hey Chicky
This guy is probably the dumbest idiot on the planet for letting go such a gorgeous girl as you. You are far too good for him. Don't waste another minute on him. You will bounce back, it will take time to heal but you will get there. Surround yourself with your girlfriends and family. Thinking of you
Jodie
xx

Andrea said...

oH Selina - you poor girl I feel for you with all my heart. You don't need someone like that in your life and you are so much better than he deserves.
Like ae said you are warm and loving and trusting - and why should ou be any different.
Boys suck. Big Hugs.
Andjxx

Sara said...

Honey, this also happened to me. On boxing day. My perfect partner of NINE years (OF MY FREAKING LIFE) told me that he does not love me. It's heinous. No joke, this is pain. I'm terrified, I have no financial security without him and I put my career on hold about 5 years ago to focus on 'us', in the belief that we would have children etc etc. So, I totally understand where you are at. They did not deserve women such as us. We will go on and shine, stronger for the experience.

ss2306 said...

Fucking arsehole and dumb fuck!

I say cut the prick's dick off!

Go get yourself really really drunk. If you were here in Brisbane I'd help you.

Thinking of you.

Kristy said...

I'm so sorry Selina, it's hurts so much, I had a similar thing happen. Guys are stupid!

Wishing you lots of love and support.

Kristy

Carolyn said...

Selina, my heart just goes out to you right now. If he's willing to throw it all away on a few cheap thrills, then you deserve an awful lot better girl. He needs to grow up. A LOT. The boy's a two faced lying idiot and if that's how he treats people, well, hmph.

I'd help you and Shelley with the booze too. Maybe Liz might let me. Just once.

Take care of youself chicky,
Scary Lady xx